sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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