Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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