dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
