my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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