Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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