i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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