we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
