I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
