I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
