dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did i walk over a car last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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