my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want is dick and wine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
