fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
