Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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