just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
