the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
