I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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