haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
