I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
