There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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