foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
