Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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