I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
