so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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