dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
