You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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