4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
