Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize