so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
