if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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