and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A+ Viking dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
