All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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