when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
