i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
