But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
