Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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