I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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