you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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