She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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