there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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