# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
