and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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