Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
