i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
