so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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