don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know her cup size but not her name....
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