He asked to "fluff my boner.."
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
only if we run a train.
done.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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