i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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