My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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