he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
