It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
