someone threw a dead crab at me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
