I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
