he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
