I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
