i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
