I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
