She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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