walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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