Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
