I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
