I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
