normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
