U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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