Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
