I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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