The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
