I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
