Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
