My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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