Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
