You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
