Quick, to the slutcave!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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