If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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