yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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