his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
