After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
